Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I have grass duct taped all over my body
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
