I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
