She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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