i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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