A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
