just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize