I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
