I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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