There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
