we're chasing vodka with high fives
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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