I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
