She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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