The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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