erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
