Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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