i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
