You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
