hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
