I am in a vortex of obligation.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
