He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
