the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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