I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
