Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
