In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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