margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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