Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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