Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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