Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm really into asian looking animals
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
