i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I AM VODKA MAN
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
