Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
