all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
