What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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