a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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