you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
