Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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