i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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