i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I want to fling myself into the sun
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
