Soap is not a condiment
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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