Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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