The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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