I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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