i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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