I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
