The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
