I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
