dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
