I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
