my room smells like sperm. sweet.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
