Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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