Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
did i walk over a car last night?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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