If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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