...so i touched it.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
