If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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