I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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