There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
