glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
