What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
