i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize