i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
