Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
