one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
