1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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