I'm drive I can fine osifer
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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