I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
