1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
barbara walters just said penis...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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