I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Pooping to opera.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Come on in and take your pants off
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