we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
