Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
