Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
