You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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