She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
