he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize