This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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