Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
