Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
