a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
