happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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