try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
