No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
