just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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