If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Every concussion has its silver lining
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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