just tell him i said nine months
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
