Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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