Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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