yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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