No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
