Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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