Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize