Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
what day is it and did you see me today?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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