i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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