By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
