I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
